everything is like this
by callmesandy
Summary: She was holding Deeks's hand on the plane. She did it on both planes, actually. (post ep for 3.01, Lange. H.)


Notes: not for profit, not mine. For the ncis bingo spot "loved ones." 3.01 post ep. Thanks to jf for beta and giggles.

* * *

_Tragedy, tragedy, everything is like this, there's never anything else. It's a goddamn miracle that I live to tell. - Lucy Corin, One Hundred Apocalypses and other apocalypses_

The last time Kensi laughed for real during or after sex was with Jack.

xx

She was holding Deeks's hand on the plane. She did it on both planes, actually. But it was all so intense. She quit her job, she quit NCIS. Callen was acting strange and saying things like "kill 'em all." She did what she was told. Kensi knew how teams work, and she would go anywhere Sam or Callen needed her to go. (Or Deeks. It's a whisper in her head, not even loud or pounding.) But while Callen shot everyone in his path, she and Deeks and Sam were thick in close combat, both boys punched more than once hard enough she heard it and she had two cuts on her shoulder and a kick in her ankle had her wincing and limping.

Someone shot Hetty. Sam and Callen and Hunter, who was apparently not evil, just undercover, they brought Hetty down carefully, towels against her stomach already soaked red. This was Hetty. Hetty had been shot and they were driving as fast as they could to somewhere where the Comescu family remaining wouldn't just kill them all. All the cars they'd seen going to the factory, they briefly saw as they crossed the border. They could have still been following. Someone, some woman had shot Hetty. No one would explain it to Kensi.

She wasn't whining all her worries out loud. They were a staccato thump thump smashing in her head.

She was being overdramatic.

She told Deeks, "I'm just, you know." So descriptive of her.

He squeezed her hand anyway.

xx

They managed in a rush and a push (and the land that we stand on is ours, she sang in her head, later) they got to Ramstein. It was such a horrible pain ride. Her ankle throbbed with every cloud they bounced off of. That's what her dad had told her turbulence was when she was very little.

Callen got her high on pain pills, making her sing in her head. She saw a doctor after Hetty was all squared away.

Hetty had stayed conscious long enough to even make a few calls. The doctors said she was old and frail but Kensi doubted it.

So Kensi went into the room with the doctor and he immediately gave her a pain pill. They talked in German because Kensi's German was excellent. Callen came in looking for something to do and wanted to help her and they were bickering and the doctor said fine, fine you will be fine. Callen went off with Kensi's prescription and gave her one of the pills and then 10 minutes later they both realized Kensi had now received double the dose she was supposed to.

"Callen made me high," she muttered. She closed her eyes.

"I'm taking you home," Deeks said, leaning over her. She opened her eyes.

"You got a haircut," she said. She pressed her lips against each other. She was high and loopy and she would not tell Deeks how wonderful he looked with his hair short but not buzzed and his hands fit hers perfectly. She was loopy and overwhelmed. She held his shoulder as he walked her out of the hospital. "It's because my hair hurts," she said. "I have to hold you, because my hair and ankle."

"Yup," Deeks said. "You are completely adorable like this. You're going to sleep really well."

He was not wrong.

xx

She woke up slow and fuzzy. She felt the damp drool on the pillow, heard English speakers on TV. "Deeks?" she said.

"Hey, you still high?"

"I'm fine," she muttered. She sat up and looked at the TV. "That's Friends. It's not dubbed. Subtitles, though."

"Yup," Deeks said. "Early Friends, too. I know this sounds awful, but sometimes I watch the show see if I can guess where Matthew Perry is in his drug use, you know, emaciated, chubbed out, kinda normal, chubbed out again. You know they would never have let Courteney Cox do that."

"Get strung out on drugs?" Kensi looked around and eased herself to the edge of the bed. Almost ready to stand up.

"Gain weight," Deeks said. "The world is cruel to women. It's a man's, man's, man's world."

"You are so liberated. And then so sexist, how do you do that," Kensi said. "Where are we?"

"In a hotel. A very very nice hotel. Hetty made some calls before she went into surgery. Pretty impressive," Deeks said. "We even get pajamas. Yours are in the bathroom."

"We are not sharing a room," Kensi said. She gingerly stood, making sure to keep weight off her ankle.

"We are sharing a suite," he said. "This is your room and I have the couch outside. Not all the way outside, like on the balcony or anything. Though if you want to sleep out there with me, I'm okay with that." "

She wondered what he would do if she ever actually did anything. She washed her clothes and underwear and bra in the sink. Then she took a shower and hung her clothes over the rack. She changed into the very nice pajamas. She came out and said, "I hope you've already showered, because I needed a drying rack."

"I already did, thank you." He smiled and patted the bed. "Phoebe and Moe the bartender are breaking up for the first time."

"How's Hetty, have you heard?" Kensi eased her way onto the bed.

"She's okay," Deeks said. "Sam and Callen feel good enough about the security that they both got back here, showered, ate, went back to the hospital to brood outside her door."

"And you had time to get your hair cut," she said. It was really hot.

"Well, unlike you or Sam or Callen, I don't have ID from a federal agency or a passport whose legend was created by a federal agency. I'm a guy who works for the local police in another country who's here on a fake passport so, you know, I didn't want to go far. But there's a barber right here in the hotel so I charged it to the room." He didn't take his eyes of the screen. Morgan Fairchild was kissing Ross.

"Wait, you used a fake passport to get here?"

"Just like everybody else, Ms. Keira Davison," he said.

"Where did you get yours?" She poked him in the shoulder.

"Did an undercover with the Albanian mob," he said. He shrugged. She got the message that they were done talking about it.

"You think Hetty's going to be mad you charged your hair cut to the room?"

He smiled. "Pretty sure we got the rooms comped. Through Hetty's connection, but I don't think my $50 will break the bank of generosity. But, you know, if you need some pretty fine underwear with cute little bows and things, there's a really nice gift shop attached to this hotel."

"I'm not actually wearing underwear now," she said, smirking.

"That is great, well, wow, thanks for the information." He was adorably flustered.

"I knew you were just talking the talk with all that flirty sex talk," she said.

"I walk the walk, lady," he said. "You want the walk?"

"What specifically is the walk here?"

He laughed. He had stupid thick lips and a weird face that didn't quite work but he was, really, objectively, pretty hot. He grew on her, like a fungus. It was the emotional whiplash, the ups and downs of the last week, that was what was making her want to do all the things he kept saying he wanted to do.

She sat on his lap and pulled him closer, her hands in his hair. "This walk is what I mean," she said. She slid even closer to him so she could feel his dick starting to get hard in his jeans. His mouth was open so she kissed him.

"Wait, wha, can I check what we're doing here?" His voice was higher. She loved that.

"What happens in Ramstein stays in Ramstein," Kensi said. "Also, (y)ou keep offering. I'm saying yes. For this one time." She moved her hands down his chest like a very long caress and started lifting his t-shirt.

"That works for me," he said. "Yeah, it totally does. Um, so we're doing this now? This."

"This," she said, pulling off his shirt.

He kissed her and pushed her back on the bed, on top of her for a moment. Then he rolled to her side, already pulling down her pajama pants. Her pants were around her knees and his hands spread wide sliding up her thighs. She let herself moan a little in appreciation. He said, "Um, wait, do I need a condom or -"

She said, "First you should take off your damn jeans. Also I have an IUD, do not have herpes, HIV or any other STD."

"Pants off," he said, wiggling and kicking them off. "And same here. All clean. Tested three weeks ago."

"Tested two weeks ago," she said.

"Always one-upping," he mumbled. She decided to let him have the last word and went up the bed to go down on him. He stopped mumbling and just made noises. She really wanted him to come just from this. She had to use her hands but she still succeeded.

She swallowed and sat up on her knees, legs spread so he could see she was already wet. She took off her pajama top and grabbed a drink from the bottled water on the side table. He was panting and smiling in this ridiculous blissed out way.

She said, "You wax, don't you?" He had a very smooth, very nicely defined chest.

"I do like to maintain, trim, wax when I can. Sometimes it's not, you know, you're undercover, you might be naked, you know I'm method like that."

"So," she said, as he sat up. "You're saying sometimes you manscape your balls but if you're undercover as someone who would be au naturel, you can't keep up your preferred hairless -" she waved her hand at him. "Hairless state."

"Are you judging me?" He sat forward, guiding her down on her back, him on top again. He was half on his side, one of his long gorgeous hands already between her legs. "Cause you didn't get that hairless pussy and those eyebrows without some help from hot wax," he said.

"I know I started it," she said, fighting to keep voice steady. "But we can stop talking about waxing?"

He kissed her, then said, "You did start it."

"I don't fuck many guys who shave their balls," she said, not even close to steady. He had magic hands. She couldn't stop herself grinding against his fingers.

"We haven't fucked yet," he said. Then he was on top of her and with a thrust inside her. She didn't usually love missionary position but he was converting her, she loved it, he was in so deep, delightfully so. She started laughing at how fucking good it felt and how she was so far gone, she was thinking in words like delightful.

They were both cuddling after she came and he came with his goofy goofy orgasm face. She laughed again, softly into his shoulder. He said, "I make you laugh, that's a reason to do this again."

She had to think to remember the last time she laughed during sex. She said, "No, we're not going to, this was special circumstances."

He said, "Okay." He made it sound like he meant "if that's what you want, it's not what I want but okay." He could be very communicative with tone.

"We're good," she said.

"We totally are," he said, and sounded like he meant it.


End file.
